


The One Where Nick Knocks Up Jess

by cecilia095



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 23:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5394464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilia095/pseuds/cecilia095
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nick, realistically, I just don't see how this could work."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Nick Knocks Up Jess

**Author's Note:**

> Friends title format for a New Girl Fanfiction? Clever? Annoying? Could-Care-Less? 
> 
> I couldn't help myself. Nick accidentally impregnating Jess after a night of vulnerability is my weakness, and I could probably write it fifty times over, but for now, this is Attempt #1, so... enjoy!

"Sooo... I'm all for us leaving our stuff around the apartment randomly, but _this_ looks like it belongs somewhere else." Winston's talking to himself, and it takes Cece a second to register what he's referring to, but when she does, she darts out of Schmidt's bedroom and into the kitchen.

"I knew it I knew it I knew it." He lifts the sonogram to her view and waves it around, all while saying, "Shame, shame, Cecelia."  
  
"Oh my God, you think - you think it's  _mine_?" She laughs, but Winston looks confused, and she's about to explain everything to him until...  
  
"- Cece?" Jess slams her bedroom door and races next to Cece and Winston, arms folded underneath her chest. When Winston looks away, Cece's ninety-nine percent sure Jess mouths a desperate ' _Pleaaaseee_ ' at her.  
  
She swallows thickly. "Okay, fine, it's mine, I'm pregnant."  
  
Winston is wide-eyed, and Cece silently holds her hands out for the sonogram, thankful that he hadn't been observant enough to see her name nowhere on it.  
  
"I can't believe you're pregnant. How you gonna fit into your wedding dress, girl? Don't nobody wanna go with you to get that thing tailored again. I mean, it already took us three weeks just to _find_ the damn dress, how -"  
  
"I'll figure it out," she says through gritted teeth, looking more at Jess than she is at Winston.  
  
"Does Schmidt know?" Winston asks.  
  
"Um." She bites her lip and before she answers, she's sure to throw a narrow-eyed glare in her best friend's direction. "Not yet. A-And you can't tell him."  
  
"You know I'm not good at this," he says. "I'm not a smooth man. The second Schmidt walks in the door, I'ma be all, 'BABY!'"  
  
"Maybe he'll think you're calling him an endearing pet name?" Jess adds.  
  
"I'll try not to let it slip, but girl, if you were pregnant with my baby -"  
  
"Gross."  
  
"I just said _if_  -"  
  
"I know. Gross."  
  
"I would want you to tell me," he says seriously. "Even if it wasn't in the plan."

—

"You're welcome, Jessica." Cece throws herself onto Jess' bed and lets out a grunt, her head still reeling from she and Jess' conversation not two hours ago.  
  
It went something like:

"I have to talk to you about something."

"You're pregnant."

Silence.

"I'm kidding! What is it? If it's you about to ask me if you can sing at our wedding, the answer is still no."

"Cece." Then some more silence. "I'm actually pregnant."

"You're pregnant. Oh my God, you're _pregnant_? Like, for real?"

Silence again.

Cece doesn't really remember much after that because it was all like, her pestering the shit out of Jess about who the father could be. (Jess wouldn't cave, though.)  
  
"I'm _sorry_ ," Jess says, and she means it. She joins Cece on the bed and places a hand on her back. "I freaked out and made you cover for me."

"Yeah, well..."

Cece sits up because she hears Jess sniffle. "Don't cry," she says, a hand on Jess' knee. "You have plenty of time to figure this out."

"Plenty of time?" Jess laughs sarcastically, pulling the sonogram out of the hand Cece's still holding it in and pointing to the top of it. "I'm already eleven weeks."

" _Eleven_? Jess, you slept with this person  _three months_ _ago_ and failed to tell me about it?"

Jess is about to open her mouth to speak until she hears a panicked shriek and a, " _CECELIA_!" coming from the living room.

Cece grunts and lifts herself off of Jess' bed. "Goddamnit, Winston."

—

"Cece, you what, you just forgot to tell me that you're  _pregnant_? How did that just fail to come up? I mean, you let me talk to you about the entire plot of a  _Glee_ episode this morning at breakfast. Was that more important than  _this_?" Schmidt's pointing wide-eyed and angrily at Cece's middle.

She pulls Schmidt into his bedroom by the wrist and slams the door behind them. Winston's out in the kitchen laughing at the whole thing. Ha-ha. Hilarious.

"I'm not pregnant, okay?" 

"You're not?"

"Not at all. Um. Jess is, though."

" _Jess_?"

Cece's leaning up against his door with her arms folded across her chest, and all she does is nod and say, "Uh-huh".

Schmidt blinks like he can't believe it. "Who's the - who's the -"

"She won't tell me."

"I bet it's _Nick_."

"No way," Cece says, shaking her head in protest. "It can't be Nick. They haven't slept together since their breakup. Besides, he's trying to land Reagan."

Reagan's their new kind-of-sort-of-roommate. She rented Jess' room while she was sequestered on a jury duty trial this summer, but now Jess is back and Reagan's gotta find a whole bunch of other dysfunctional 30-somethings to live with. She also  _totally_ had a thing with Cece back in the day, but everyone's basically past that now.

Anyway. "He'll never ' _land Reagan_ '," Schmidt mocks with a snicker. "She likes men who actually _have_ checking accounts, Cecelia."

Cece just rubs her lips together and nervously plays with her engagement ring. "She would've told me if she slept with Nick."

"No she most certainly wouldn't have," Schmidt says. "You didn't tell her when you slept with me."

"I was ashamed of you. And myself. For sleeping with you. That's  _different_."

"She's ashamed of  _Nick_. Who wouldn't be?! He's  _Nick_. Do I even have to say it?"

"Look, Nick isn't the father, okay?"

—

"So..." Nick rubs his lips together and Cece just narrows her eyes at him and tells him to pass her an apron, reaching one arm over the bar. Her shift isn't for another fifteen minutes but she figures she might as well drop by and relieve Nick. 

"Winston told me," he says, and it takes her a minute to catch on, but she mumbles a ' _great_ ' under her breath. "Are you keeping it?"

"I don't have anything to  _keep_ ," she retorts, rolling her eyes and stepping behind the bar, bending over and tying her hair up. "Look, maybe I'm betraying some sort of BFF Code by telling you what I'm about to tell you, but I'm only telling you because I can't just come out and  _ask you_ , but..."

Nick's confused. He sets down the polishing cloth he's got in one hand and turns so he's entirely facing Cece. "Look, I know it's not my place, but is a baby really the worst thing? I mean, you three can live in Schmidt's room until it's at  _least_ two."

"I'm not pregnant, and if Winston were as observant of a guy as he claims to be, he would've seen that my name," she pauses, shaking her head and wrinkling her nose, "was  _not_ on that sonogram."

"Oh my God, is it Reagan? Is Reagan pregnant?" he asks in a panic, and Cece's all, "Wait, you  _actually_ slept with her?!"

"No. Cece. No. I tried to kiss her on the sidewalk outside of the bar and she laughed into my mouth but I just -" Cece bites her lip to keep from laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she smiles, thinking back to her conversation with Schmidt about how Reagan would _never_. Schmidt: 1, Cece: 0. "But no, it's not Reagan's."

Nick nonchalantly lifts up a glass from the countertop to polish it until he puts two and two together, widening his eyes and dropping the glass smack dab in the middle of the floor between he and Cece. They can hear Mike, their supervisor, shout: "WHOEVER THAT WAS, PICK IT UP!", but neither of them move.

"It's  _Jess_?"  _  
_

Cece only nods, because actual, out loud confirmation would  _definitely_ be betraying the BFF Code. 

"Cece, I have to go, cover me."

—

"Nick?"

He kind of just... barges in, and she jumps, and she doesn't mean to look suspicious, but  _god damn_ , they really need locks on these doors; they're in their thirties and all four of their bedrooms just... don't have locks on the doors. Whatever.

She clears her throat and says, "Sorry. What's - what's up?"

He closes the door behind him and shrugs, both hands in his pockets. "Are you just  _so_ happy for Cece and Schmidt?"

Jess swallows and forces herself to nod, then asks, "Winston told you?"

"Uh huh. And then I talked to Cece."

Oh God.

"And  _she_ told me who the sonogram  _really_ belonged to."

Jess wants to be angry at Cece, but she isn't. How long did she expect her to fake a pregnancy to cover up her own? (You lasted a good, solid four hours, Cece, good job.)

With his hands still in his pockets, he sits down at the end of her bed, careful to keep some distance in between the two of them. 

"It's mine, right?"

Jess takes both hands up and runs them through her hair, and then says, "Yeah. It's yours, Nick."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I mean... what am I gonna do? What are  _you_ gonna do? We made a mistake three months ago by sleeping together before you left, Jess, I told you that."

"You don't think I know that, Nick?" She stands up, arms folded underneath her chest, pacing around the floor of her bedroom as Nick stays put on her bed. She doesn't want to sit next to him right now. "I was feeling vulnerable after seeing our two best friends get engaged, and then Coach moved to New York to be with May, and even freakin' _Winston_ got some action with that cop partner of his - mostly over-the-bra stuff, but it counts!"

Nick wrinkles his nose. "Ew. The Winston part." Jess laughs a little. "I get it, I get why it happened, and I get why you and me, we always have these... lingering thoughts about each other, but I - I didn't mean to put a  _baby_ in you."

"Yeah, I get that Nick."

"Are you... keeping it?" His face like,  _pales_ when he asks.

"Oh, yeah, I'm definitely keeping the child we created after a night of too much pink wine and sadness. We can raise it in your room from Monday through Thursday, and then I get it for the weekend. Sound good?" She claps her hands together, and she wants to call Nick a jerk for laughing, but instead she just huffs and shakes her head. "I can't, Nick."

—

Once everyone knows, they don't treat her any differently, and Winston only shames her for caving in and sleeping with Nick that one night like...  _twice_. 

Jess says it's fine, that she's " _getting rid of it anyway_ ", and Nick has to try and not cringe every time she reminds them of that.

"I don't think you should get rid of the baby," Nick says three nights after finding out there even _is_  a baby. She asks him to close her bedroom door behind him and then sits up to turn on a lamp. It's past midnight. 

"I couldn't sleep, Jess, because I - I know we made a mistake but kids aren't the worst thing in the world and we'd be kickass parents to it. I'd be the cool, fun dad who lets it stay up past its bedtime and you'd... bake a bunch of cupcakes with it and buy it too many polka dot dresses - if it's a girl. Actually, no, I wouldn't put it past you to dress a boy in polka dots."

Jess laughs under her breath and sits up a little straighter. "My kid would _master_ baking by the time they were three-and-a-half."

"Why ' _a half_ '? Why not just 'three'?"

"I'm giving mini-Jess some wiggle room; some time to really get the hang of it."

"Ah."

"Nick, realistically, I just don't see how this could work."

"Well..." He sits at the edge of her bed and grabs onto her kneecap, giving it a squeeze, and she doesn't move her leg away. "We make it work."

—

They don't define anything for a little while - or a  _long while_ , because Jess is eight months pregnant and Nick is her friend-slash-baby-daddy who buys her Nilla Wafers when she craves them and tells her she's pretty every time she cries about being "-  _a blimp, Nick, a friggin' blimp. How big were you as a baby again? Only six pounds, eight ounces?! I don't believe you._ "

They do nothing but banter, and kiss each other on the forehead, and sometimes Nick sleeps in her bed when she asks him to, but that's  _it_.

"You know, Jess, every time someone gets accidentally impregnated by someone they didn't mean to get impregnated by, they  _do_ , just for the record, end up falling in love. I'm just sayin'." Schmidt's watching  _Knocked Up_ on TV one day and he's pointing at Jess like, ' _Ha-ha, look, it's you and Nick_!', and Jess rolls her eyes and tells him to go to hell. 

"You know what, he's _absolutely_  right. I mean, God, Jess, wait until you see him with the baby for the first time." Cece looks back at Jess with a smirk, her legs draped across Schmidt's lap as the two of them point to the TV and laugh about she and Nick's situation.

"You too, Mrs. Schmidt. Go to hell."

—

One second, Cece and Nick are helping her deep breathe in the backseat of Schmidt's car, and the next, this teeny, tiny, crying, six-pound, nine-ounce baby is wrapped up in a pink blanket and nestled on her shoulder, and Jess swears all she did in-between was blink.

Nick bends down and kisses her forehead and says, "You did good, Jess" and then races out into the lobby of the hospital to tell Cece and Schmidt and Winston it's a girl, and she, thank  _God_ , has Jess' nose.

—

No one tells you how weird bringing home an actual human being you actually pushed out from your actual body is, but it is, it's weird. They name her Elsie, because Jess likes the name - ( _It's quirky, but not_ too _quirky_ , Nick agrees) - and Jess is pretty sure she's in love with her.

Everyone is good with Elsie. Cece and Schmidt visit as much as possible and smother Jess and Nick in offers to babysit because Elsie is just  _so_ damn cute and they  _might_ want kids someday, someday soon, and Winston's barely home between work and his new girlfriend, but when he is, he hangs out on the couch with the baby and Elsie falls asleep on his chest ninety-eight percent of the time.

Best of all is Nick. Jess hasn't spent too much time defining anything, because they're, you know,  _parents_ , but there's a day where he's wearing Elsie around his torso, bouncing her up and down as he attempts to make omelettes for everybody, and he stops every two seconds to kiss her on the top of her head, blow raspberries onto her tiny little cheeks, and Jess just... she kind of loves him when she watches him with Elsie. 

One night it's just the three of them, because Winston's at work and Cece and Schmidt spent enough time fawning over Elsie this afternoon when they all went out to lunch. Jess is grading papers at the island of the kitchen, and Nick's supposed to be putting Elsie to bed. "Sorry," he apologizes when he walks out of the nursery with a baby still in his arms, "I might need your help with this one."

Jess doesn't mind. She smiles and puts down her red pen on top of a pile of papers, racing into the nursery. 

"She's better with you," he says, handing off a fussy two-week-old to Jess. 

"Not true," she says, taking Elsie in her arms and burping her. "That's why she's cranky."

"See? You're so good with this."

"Eh."

"I mean it," he says, and then he kind of just like, stretches over to where Jess is standing with the baby and smooches her right on the lips, even though a two-week-old baby is sandwiched between them, but that's how it was supposed to happen, he thinks; just him and Jess and their perfect little baby that's half-him and half-her. 


End file.
